Twelve days of Christmas

 Hundreds and thousands of people every year suffer from loneliness, but the number increases the most during the time of Christmas. Some accept their loneliness during holidays and some experience grieving and mourning.

It was the first day of the ‘12 days of Christmas’ in the city that never sleeps- New York was already filled with holiday joy, the sound of the jingle bells was at this point running through my nerve vessels and the smell of Christmas on the Times Square was strangling me. As much as the city was joyful, I was suffering. I was alone, all alone in the big city- no friends and no family. I was vexed with my uptight boss who did not spare us personal life at all, I felt immense hate for her. She was no less than Miranda Priestly from ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ and I was poor Andrea. I couldn’t do anything that I was asked to do, I was just so sad and in despair. I was demotivated, and my writer’s block was just crawling upon my body like grapevines. 

11th day of Christmas- I was mourning even more than yesterday, my mind was blocked and all I was physically able to do was cry. I knew I was miserable and nothing better would come from this, but I just couldn’t do anything, my colleagues accepted and moved on with their lives but how can they so easily move on from Miranda Priestly locking their happiness behind bars, what wrong has our happiness done to her? 

8th day of Christmas- my few days went into rioting against my boss, and nothing changed, it got even worse- I was handed more articles. I was tired. Doing anything wouldn’t change the situation I was in. Never in my whole life have I been ever so alone during Christmas? On this day particularly I felt what my mother used to say about being old and alone.

After a long day at work, I directly went to church where the kids were singing carols and the church was crowded with merry laughs, I envied it so dearly that I started crying in front of everyone, cursing my fortune and my situation “What can be worse than being alone during the twelve days of Christmas?” 

7th day of Christmas: it was finally Saturday- the rest day at last but with no one at least. I was in my bed watching ‘Home Alone’ on loop and eating a galloon ice cream- “how similar me and Kevin are?” I thought. I was sulking in the utter silence of my bleak apartment and as soon I heard my doorbell ring, I opened the door- there were yet again kids caroling “Oh god no, not again” I thought. It depressed me even more than I was before.

 I just want to go back home, in my mother’s arms, waking up in my childhood room in the lobby where the Christmas tree stands shining brightest in the whole room, and there under the Christmas tree lay enormous pretty gifts with a red bow that I and my sister dishevels. A huge sock by the chimney and half ate cookie that my father still eats to make us believe that “Santa exists”. I miss caroling too and these kids doing for me isn’t making anything better. 

5th day of Christmas- Monday, going back to work, I saw a lady reading ‘The Happy Prince’ by Oscar Wilde to her daughter in the subway, when her daughter asked for morals, her mother replied “Humans should do good and help those in need. The Prince and the Swallow help others who were suffering”. I smiled listening to that and thought of my boss- the irony. On the way to my office, I was standing under a tree and a sparrow shook down the dust of snow on me and somehow, I had a change of heart the loneliness suddenly flew away, was it the same sparrow from Happy Prince? Or was it the scene I once saw on the screen written by Robert Frost? 

I reached the office merrier than I’ve been in many days and was struck with my utter tardy realization that I am not the only one lonely this Christmas and certainly not the most unfortunate one. I accept in whatever situation im in, anyway sulking wouldn’t make anything better, would it? And today on Christmas Eve I wrote the article I was supposed to on the first day of twelve days of Christmas.