Nowhere

 Locked inside the darkness: the world, knocking up at every other door searching for acceptance only to realize I’m nowhere to be seen. I’m nowhere in this world, I don’t exist, and my being is distorted. I lie awake in the middle of the night deep in thought “What did I deserve to be here, in utter misery?” why am I ignored yet acknowledged by the wrong set of people? I am near to almost not surviving and as soon as the next gloomy and self-pitied thought crosses my mind, I was startled by a silent creaking of the door. This was weird because I lived alone in my dormitory, a small bleak room on the campus of my University. it was confirmed I was an introverted, poetry-reading Dorothy. I wasn’t ashamed of appreciating grace in tragedy or sulking in silence even if it killed me, I appreciated it, I adored it, and consumed it inside me. I drank the poison from the same vine as my beloved enemies- plath. We shared the same life but yet different because when they die, the world recognizes them they sulk for years and shed thousands of tears. but the world would probably throw a party if I ever died, but for even that they should at least know my name and the things I did.

As I woke up from my bed to search for the person, I saw nothing but a piece of paper with nothing written on it. In loud confusion and my obsession for mysteries I heated the paper if a message appears away and it did but the message wasn’t clear for me to understand, I wasn’t even sure if it was a message or a escapade played by seniors because “I want to live deliberately, desperately to the point I cannot breathe and to the point people don’t believe me, I want to write poetry to the point I suffocate and die- carpe diem, my son, seize the day!”

I was traced back and forth by the similar letters, at last for me to understand I was led to somewhere but where? A cave? Was there actually a secret society of poets? Or I was just in denial, again hallucinating and wishing my imagination to be true. But one day whilst asleep, as soon clock hit midnight, I heard familiar voices cursing my name and wishing I stayed and as soon, my tears ricochet. I felt weak and in dread.

The next morning the first thing I did was hurry to the library, just to realize it usually opens by afternoon but by the jolt of last night I was desperate, just to see that today library wasn’t even locked but seemed as if it was deliberately broken into. I hesitated but pushed the door anyway and found out that the library was cold and dark just like my room, for the first time. Leaving the library immediately and saw an empty campus, it was never empty. I ran around, now it wasn’t me who was nowhere but everyone else. No one was nowhere and I was everywhere, I could see myself in every reflecting object I could feel my existence in everything, to the point I couldn’t take it anymore. It was dark and gloomy yet exhilarating, now I was completely hollow. Just like the last letter I received.