chapter 1: Soulmate who wasn't meant to be

 the meeting

I write often, mostly about my feelings but still somehow it feels like I'm pretending and still I feel I'm not true to the paper and I’m not true to myself about what I feel. I hide my real emotions and persuade my thoughts to write about other people’s sympathetic problems. Most of the time I spend my time talking to myself about the most random things, no I don’t overthink I just observe and feel. Although anyone who knows me would like to say otherwise because when I’m around people I talk and talk and not necessarily something that makes sense, so how does a kid who speaks a lot, can think, or feel deep emotions? Maybe I’m built differently because I indeed am not like my peers, yes I do use abbreviations or curses but still, it’s something that I don’t feel within or around them I feel that I stand out and no one like me reads, thinks, zones out in the middle of the conversation who is as devoted to music as I am but has same music taste too or is even half as weird as I am. I felt lonely in the world although sure there were hundreds of people, I could call my friend, but no one would truly understand what I feel.

One day, I was in the school library searching for a classic- Mary Shelby’s Frankenstein, and just then I saw a boy who was about 6 feet tall with the most beautiful hair I have ever seen- reading my favorite novel- the picture of Dorian Gray. From that I could tell he has good taste in books, I gently interrupted his reading and said “Your life is going to be changed” he whispered “Yours too” looking at the book in my hand which was rather a kid’s section- a strawberry shortcake book. It took me two seconds to understand his sarcasm and started to explain myself saying that it was my friend’s and I’m just holding it for her. He smiled, oh boy, his smile could probably end a global crisis and introduced himself “I am Mark” I smiled and introduced myself as “Hi I am lord henry” “Oh jeez, I hope you don’t manipulate me to hate this book” “are you crazy, I would never this right there is one of the well written and executed books I have ever read and I am saying that because I am very picky” “is that so?” I was blushing and he started smirking. Were we flirting? Oh my god. We talked the whole time in the library- he had a very different kind of sense of humor which weirdly attracted me. We didn’t even realize when an hour passed away. When we got up from our seats, I saw his bag was the same as mine- an old rustic brown school bag, too rare to be common but here we are.

we'd meet each other in the library in our free periods every day, talking about books and music well actually, anything even our deep feelings- while discussing things made us realize how oddly our perceptions or point of view are like each other. “I’ve never met someone who has the same perception as I, I have never been so exhilarated,” he said with those exact emotions, I smiled ear to ear telling that I feel the same way. Talking to a boy of my age who is out there not passing racist or homophobic jokes was a shock to me. It was honestly almost like the best feeling on earth when you encounter a person who is interested in talking to you about the same things, who feel the same, who doesn’t make you feel dumb for being obsessed with a fictional character but is more than you or is not like those toxic masculine boys who finds it embarrassing to show their emotions. He gets down for all the weirdness with me, the pretend drunk is our favorite act- who could ever be so like me, and what is better than your boy version?